This is an experiment, not a production piece but I am finally back at it! It is exciting to see if I can make the shirt that is in my head. If it turns out the way I want it to I will write down what I have done and do it again. In the meantime, I have an appointment in a couple of hours and will show up with bright blue hands. *Shrug*. . . . after all, it IS the Equinox today and I often make jokes about painting myself blue on high holy days.
Happy Spring, ya’ll. Stay tuned.
I went for a screening EKG yesterday and was told that it looks like I have had a heart attack; one of those silent, sneaky ones that tend to happen to women; especially postmenopausal diabetic women with polycystic ovarian disease. I have been referred to a cardiologist and expect the lecture on losing weight, taking statins, and exercising. Trying hard not to freak out too much (no pun intended) but my immediate reaction is, “Well ,no wonder I have felt like crap for so long!” and trying to come up with a plan to manage yet another chronic condition. I was very sick all last fall, 3 straight months of one damned thing after another, knocked flat on my back, and I am just now recovering. I think the infarction probably happened sometime then. I am trying not to be too paranoid about thinking that every twinge is angina now.
Ironically, a friend who was practicing her Reiki nailed it many months ago. She said she felt something going on with my heart and I blew her off. In addition to all the physical stuff happening last fall, there was some serious emotional turmoil as well. I have often said that I felt like that particular person ripped out my heart and stomped on it. I had no clue that could be taken literally. In spite of the emotional pain, he acted as a catalyst for my growth and dredged up some long-buried crap that I needed to face and clear out. It wasn’t pleasant, but it was productive.
On the dying side (after all, isn’t that what this blog is supposed to be about?): It has been frigging cold here. Snow flurries and snow on the mountain tops yesterday morning and very windy, which causes the cold to bite through to the bones. Typical Spring weather in western NC. I am itching to get back into the studio, got some special orders for friends I need to get done. And a bit of a whine here; standing on cold concrete in an un heated garage is not my favorite thing to do, even with a kerosene heater.
I have bought a planner called The Freedom Journal, which is specifically for those of us who are trying to be self-employed. I have committed to spending 2 hours a day minimum in the studio no matter what, even if it is just sweeping the floors and cleaning. Dying is a messy art. Wish me luck folks, and send good vibes. I need all the help I can get and being accountable to you will go a long way toward me getting stuff done. My goal for the next 100 days is to get all 60ish of my blank shirts dyed, photographed, and posted on Shopify. Stay tuned.
Much love to you all. Stay warm.
Greetings, Beloveds. I am on a manic rebound after being sick since the end of September. There has been a trip to urgent care, 2 allergic drug reactions, constant antibiotics and antivirals, and a hospitalization through the emergency room for which my insurance company has denied coverage. And those are just the highlights.
Today is the first day since I don’t remember when that I have not been nauseated, in pain, or hugging the toilet. It’s a hell of a way to lose 10 pounds. I actually slept more than 4 hours in a row and was able to tolerate real Greek food yesterday without an immediate trip to the toilet within an hour of eating. I went adventuring with my sister, had good food, and saw a wonderful movie. I couldn’t ask for a better day or more fun. It was sorely needed.
Somewhere in all the chaos and depression I initiated the process of writing a formal business plan and applying for grant funding to expand and develop Freak Flag Dye Company. As part of the rebound my head is bursting with creative ideas and grand schemes. I am rushing to get all the details on paper before I forget them and formulate plans to see them come to pass. Reality will eventually settle in and I will have to buckle down and do the grunt work. I am looking forward to seeing what eventually manifests. My experience at the moment is much like being inside a freshly shaken snow globe.
So. . . .deep breath. . . a few grounding exercises and hugs from my friends. . . additions to the ongoing list in my daily gratitude journal. . .time to get real. Today I feel bulletproof, tomorrow I may be curled up under my blankie crying again.
Wish me luck. Much love to you all.
I wrote yesterday about wanting to renovate my workspace. I had been looking for a grant/ business loan or whatever in order to finance it. After spilling my guts in the previous post I pulled a very large check out of the mailbox. It was an insurance reimbursement from a medical issue almost 4 years ago that I had forgotten about. It is just enough to do what I need to do if managed carefully.
I am still in tears over it.